Twitter had to go.
Granted, I really didn't tweet very much, but I still thought I would hold the address just in case I ever decided I wanted to be that accessible. And, yes, we all know that I just wasn't being honest with myself. I'll never want to be that accessible.
Then, over the past few weeks, the amount of 'adult' followers (and yes, I mean 'adult') had increased to the point that deleting these people had become a job in and of itself. So, this morning, when "Ernestine" announced that she was now following me on twitter, all I could say was, "Not without your pants on, Skankpot." And, frankly, that's a rule I plan to carry over into my daily life: you may not follow me without your pants on, ever.
So, it's gone. I deleted the whole thing. And if you find a belindaleesmith on there, it's not me. But Ernestine is probably wandering around lost in the general vicinity of where I was.
-b
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Picture of the Guy Stealing Matt's Car
My friend Matt paid off his car, a BMW, a few weeks back and took it into the dealership for routine servicing the same week. While his car was in the care of Pacific BMW in Glendale (California), this I'm-entitled-to-your-stuff-even-though-I'm-too-much-of-a-drain-on-society-to-get-an-honest-job-jerk-hat-hotshot-came up and stole it. Yes, this is a surveillance shot of the actual person stealing the actual car.
Now for the kicker: the dealership told Matt that it wasn't their responsibility, that insurance would handle it, BUT they would be glad to sell him a new car at a discounted price.
CAN.YOU.EVEN.IMAGINE??????? They didn't bother to verify that the guy picking the car up was the owner, and yet, somehow, it's not their problem. Stunning. Matt still doesn't have a replacement car. They are STILL trying to get out of it.
Sometimes I just don't know who I am in relation to this world anymore.
-b
p.s. That was PACIFIC BMW OF GLENDALE, CALIFORNIA. Tell your friends, neighbors and acquaintances.
Now for the kicker: the dealership told Matt that it wasn't their responsibility, that insurance would handle it, BUT they would be glad to sell him a new car at a discounted price.
CAN.YOU.EVEN.IMAGINE??????? They didn't bother to verify that the guy picking the car up was the owner, and yet, somehow, it's not their problem. Stunning. Matt still doesn't have a replacement car. They are STILL trying to get out of it.
Sometimes I just don't know who I am in relation to this world anymore.
-b
p.s. That was PACIFIC BMW OF GLENDALE, CALIFORNIA. Tell your friends, neighbors and acquaintances.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Could've Been
This is a headline on MSNBC.com today:
"Family feud turns into riot in small Ala. town
Up to 150 people brawl with tire irons, baseball bats; 8 arrested"
And on behalf of all the people from the State of West Virginia, I say, "Thank God for Alabama."
-b
"Family feud turns into riot in small Ala. town
Up to 150 people brawl with tire irons, baseball bats; 8 arrested"
And on behalf of all the people from the State of West Virginia, I say, "Thank God for Alabama."
-b
Sunday, August 23, 2009
White Water Rafting and Being Correct
I've always been afraid to do it.
I grew up in West Virginia and the "thing" to do was go white water rafting on the Gauley River. If you look up footage on youtube, you'll understand why I had no desire to get into that kind of mess. I do not know a single soul who had done the Gauley and come out without cuts or bruises, and I know of one person who died on it. So, when I moved to Nashville and people started mentioning rafting on the Ocoee, you can imagine why my answer was, "Absolutely not. No thank you."
And then I started kind of wanting to face a few fears. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just scared of too many things and I'm tired of being owned by my fears. I mean, really, we're all going to die anyway, right?
First up was the snake fear. I decided I was going to touch one. However, when I went into the reptile store on Nolensville Road and got light-headed because I was literally so scared I was going to pass out at the point of realizing I was surrounded by snakes in little tupperware containers, and I had to leave...well, I decided to leave that fear intact.
Next up, white water rafting.
And, so, yesterday was the day. We loaded into the raft at Ocoee Outdoors with our guide-of-eleven-years, Jeremy (or Fraser, depending on who you ask) and we were off. Kids, I was nervous. I'm not even going to pretend otherwise. We had ten miles of river to go and all I knew was if anyone was going to die in our group, it would definitely be me.
And, boy, don't I look happy about it.
Needless to say, they don't set up the photo-ops at the...er...exciting places.
Several hours into the trip, Jeremy says, "Oh, we're going to surf here." I don't know what that means, but I assume from watching the boat before us do it that we're going to get a little stuck at the bottom of the waterfall and the boat will rock from side to side. I was wrong. We paddled over like lambs to the slaughter, we 'surfed' for a few seconds, Jeremy turned the boat to where I was on the side with the waterfall, and it wasn't ten seconds before I was just gone. I fell out, went under, panicked a little and started kicking, till I opened my eyes and couldn't see any light. That's when I remembered to let the life jacket do it's job and rode it out. First, I came up and hit my head on the raft. I went back down and came up on the other side of the raft, and floated on down the river.
I know they say you're floating, but the truth is, you're trying to get a breath, you're coughing the water out of your lungs, waves are still going over your head and taking you under, and you're trying to remember everything they told you in the safety briefing (and what you've learned from watching movies.) "Don't panic," I told myself. Someone yelled to me, "Get your paddle," and I wanted to say, "I CAN AFFORD TO BUY YOU A NEW ONE, MORON. I'M BUSY TRYING TO LIVE!!" But, I couldn't really talk. Aside from the "floating," I was trying to use my feet in front of me to avoid hitting the unseen underwater rocks. My left cheek can attest to you today that I failed that mission, though. Ouch.
Finally, they pulled me into the boat, and we went back to get Jim, who, unbeknownst to me, had fallen in right after me and taken two lungs full of water. I only hit the raft once trying to get up, but he hit it several times. Not good. And, probably best that I didn't know he was in a little trouble, or the 'don't panic' mantra wouldn't have worked.
We got situated, coughed it out, and started paddling again. A few rapids later, I was back in the water, 'floating.' When you don't have any idea that you're going in the water, though, you just don't know to take a big breath. And, so, I panicked a little more this time and had to worry about drowning for even more yards. I could see Jim had fallen out and he had floated down in front of me, but I just couldn't breathe. The waves kept coming over my head and I just couldn't get it together. (But, I had that ever important paddle in my hand this time, somehow. Isn't that ridiculous?) When I finally got out of that rough water and was maybe ten yards from Jim, I was able to say to him, "This part isn't fun."
Okay, now back in, and David is the only person who hadn't been out of the boat. Kids, I knew Jeremy was going to put him in and I was just trying to be ready. Sure enough, when it came time, I was flying through the air again. This time I had enough wit about me to take a big breath and hold my nose. Ahhh...much better. I went under and was back up in no time. And, aside from the fact that I landed on Dave who was underwater, and I might have stood on him a second too long, we were all okay. I felt like that was my Olympic fall. (Great form.)
This time, Jim and Jeremy pulled me back onto the raft. I thought it was maybe time to hedge my bets and I said to Jeremy, with my body half-in and half-out of the raft, "I'd like for us to be friends. All the things I've said and done to make you mad at me, I'd like to apologize for." He promised I wouldn't go in again after that. (Note to self.)
And, with that, Eric 'rode the bull' on the final rapid and didn't fall off, and we ended ten miles on the Ocoee, life and lungs intact.
And, I'm not going to lie to you, it was scary a few times. And, I was totally right for being a little nervous about it.
But, at the end of the day, I did it. I stepped waaaaaaaayyy out of a comfort zone and ended up alive.
That feels pretty good.
-b
p.s. You still couldn't pay me to do the Gauley.
I grew up in West Virginia and the "thing" to do was go white water rafting on the Gauley River. If you look up footage on youtube, you'll understand why I had no desire to get into that kind of mess. I do not know a single soul who had done the Gauley and come out without cuts or bruises, and I know of one person who died on it. So, when I moved to Nashville and people started mentioning rafting on the Ocoee, you can imagine why my answer was, "Absolutely not. No thank you."
And then I started kind of wanting to face a few fears. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just scared of too many things and I'm tired of being owned by my fears. I mean, really, we're all going to die anyway, right?
First up was the snake fear. I decided I was going to touch one. However, when I went into the reptile store on Nolensville Road and got light-headed because I was literally so scared I was going to pass out at the point of realizing I was surrounded by snakes in little tupperware containers, and I had to leave...well, I decided to leave that fear intact.
Next up, white water rafting.
And, so, yesterday was the day. We loaded into the raft at Ocoee Outdoors with our guide-of-eleven-years, Jeremy (or Fraser, depending on who you ask) and we were off. Kids, I was nervous. I'm not even going to pretend otherwise. We had ten miles of river to go and all I knew was if anyone was going to die in our group, it would definitely be me.
And, boy, don't I look happy about it.
Needless to say, they don't set up the photo-ops at the...er...exciting places.
Several hours into the trip, Jeremy says, "Oh, we're going to surf here." I don't know what that means, but I assume from watching the boat before us do it that we're going to get a little stuck at the bottom of the waterfall and the boat will rock from side to side. I was wrong. We paddled over like lambs to the slaughter, we 'surfed' for a few seconds, Jeremy turned the boat to where I was on the side with the waterfall, and it wasn't ten seconds before I was just gone. I fell out, went under, panicked a little and started kicking, till I opened my eyes and couldn't see any light. That's when I remembered to let the life jacket do it's job and rode it out. First, I came up and hit my head on the raft. I went back down and came up on the other side of the raft, and floated on down the river.
I know they say you're floating, but the truth is, you're trying to get a breath, you're coughing the water out of your lungs, waves are still going over your head and taking you under, and you're trying to remember everything they told you in the safety briefing (and what you've learned from watching movies.) "Don't panic," I told myself. Someone yelled to me, "Get your paddle," and I wanted to say, "I CAN AFFORD TO BUY YOU A NEW ONE, MORON. I'M BUSY TRYING TO LIVE!!" But, I couldn't really talk. Aside from the "floating," I was trying to use my feet in front of me to avoid hitting the unseen underwater rocks. My left cheek can attest to you today that I failed that mission, though. Ouch.
Finally, they pulled me into the boat, and we went back to get Jim, who, unbeknownst to me, had fallen in right after me and taken two lungs full of water. I only hit the raft once trying to get up, but he hit it several times. Not good. And, probably best that I didn't know he was in a little trouble, or the 'don't panic' mantra wouldn't have worked.
We got situated, coughed it out, and started paddling again. A few rapids later, I was back in the water, 'floating.' When you don't have any idea that you're going in the water, though, you just don't know to take a big breath. And, so, I panicked a little more this time and had to worry about drowning for even more yards. I could see Jim had fallen out and he had floated down in front of me, but I just couldn't breathe. The waves kept coming over my head and I just couldn't get it together. (But, I had that ever important paddle in my hand this time, somehow. Isn't that ridiculous?) When I finally got out of that rough water and was maybe ten yards from Jim, I was able to say to him, "This part isn't fun."
Okay, now back in, and David is the only person who hadn't been out of the boat. Kids, I knew Jeremy was going to put him in and I was just trying to be ready. Sure enough, when it came time, I was flying through the air again. This time I had enough wit about me to take a big breath and hold my nose. Ahhh...much better. I went under and was back up in no time. And, aside from the fact that I landed on Dave who was underwater, and I might have stood on him a second too long, we were all okay. I felt like that was my Olympic fall. (Great form.)
This time, Jim and Jeremy pulled me back onto the raft. I thought it was maybe time to hedge my bets and I said to Jeremy, with my body half-in and half-out of the raft, "I'd like for us to be friends. All the things I've said and done to make you mad at me, I'd like to apologize for." He promised I wouldn't go in again after that. (Note to self.)
And, with that, Eric 'rode the bull' on the final rapid and didn't fall off, and we ended ten miles on the Ocoee, life and lungs intact.
And, I'm not going to lie to you, it was scary a few times. And, I was totally right for being a little nervous about it.
But, at the end of the day, I did it. I stepped waaaaaaaayyy out of a comfort zone and ended up alive.
That feels pretty good.
-b
p.s. You still couldn't pay me to do the Gauley.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Serendipity
My brother bought me a book and mailed it to me today. I'm so excited to have it, as I've shown much restraint with not buying it for myself. I actually read the first 14 pages at Davis Kidd last week because I just couldn't stand it.
Multiple people have emailed me about this book and told me that the writing style reminded them of mine.
So, I was teaching at the Tennessee Young Writer's Workshop in July and I looked at Darnell, my famous fiction-writer cousin with the book out, and I say, "Hey, do you know any thing about this book about finding salvation at the Dairy Queen?" She points over to Schuyler, who is a ray-of-light talented student in the camp and said, "Susan Gilmore is Schuyler's aunt.
Such a small world.
And so now I'm really, really looking foward to reading the book.
Thanks, Aaron.
-b
Multiple people have emailed me about this book and told me that the writing style reminded them of mine.
So, I was teaching at the Tennessee Young Writer's Workshop in July and I looked at Darnell, my famous fiction-writer cousin with the book out, and I say, "Hey, do you know any thing about this book about finding salvation at the Dairy Queen?" She points over to Schuyler, who is a ray-of-light talented student in the camp and said, "Susan Gilmore is Schuyler's aunt.
Such a small world.
And so now I'm really, really looking foward to reading the book.
Thanks, Aaron.
-b
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Because I'm the Absolute Coolest
I have a mosquito bite right smack in the middle of my forehead.
Niiice.
-b
Niiice.
-b
Monday, August 17, 2009
The Lady in the Maroon Buick
I pass by a grocery store parking lot on my daily routine several days per week. There are three rows of parking spaces at this grocery store with trees planted at the ends of the rows. Everyday, office workers who prefer the solitude of eating lunch in their cars vie for the shade under one of these trees. There are usually different kinds of cars and different kinds of people, depending on the day and time. It's oddly fascinating to me. (I know, I need a hobby.)
The interesting part of this is that there is one lady who is there in the parking lot every single time I drive by during the work day. She is there if I go by at 9:00AM, she is there if I go by at noon, she is there if I go by at 2:-30 P.M. Every time. She sits in her car with all the windows rolled down and her left foot out on the ground most days.
A few weeks ago I started needing to know her story. Today, I almost just asked, but I didn't. I don't think I can ask her without her thinking I'm stalking her or something. Can you stalk someone who is sitting still? Anyway, I don't want to take away her solitude. I know how much people need it sometimes.
However, because I make things up for money anyway, I've taken to writing her a new story every time I pass her. Yesterday, I decided she has been fired from her job and she doesn't want her husband to know because he is mean and controlling, so she gets up every day and goes to the grocery store parking lot to make it look like she is working. Today, though, that story felt too "Lifetime" and so I made her a novelist. She is writing a tween series and she's going to be rich, and then in her interview on Oprah she will say that she wrote the whole book in longhand in a parking lot under a tree.
…I know.
But now you're wondering, too, aren't you?
-b
The interesting part of this is that there is one lady who is there in the parking lot every single time I drive by during the work day. She is there if I go by at 9:00AM, she is there if I go by at noon, she is there if I go by at 2:-30 P.M. Every time. She sits in her car with all the windows rolled down and her left foot out on the ground most days.
A few weeks ago I started needing to know her story. Today, I almost just asked, but I didn't. I don't think I can ask her without her thinking I'm stalking her or something. Can you stalk someone who is sitting still? Anyway, I don't want to take away her solitude. I know how much people need it sometimes.
However, because I make things up for money anyway, I've taken to writing her a new story every time I pass her. Yesterday, I decided she has been fired from her job and she doesn't want her husband to know because he is mean and controlling, so she gets up every day and goes to the grocery store parking lot to make it look like she is working. Today, though, that story felt too "Lifetime" and so I made her a novelist. She is writing a tween series and she's going to be rich, and then in her interview on Oprah she will say that she wrote the whole book in longhand in a parking lot under a tree.
…I know.
But now you're wondering, too, aren't you?
-b
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Gosselin
I have never watched this reality show about Jon and Kate and their eight children. I just started catching bits about these people in news bites online here and there, and I guess I know their overall stories by now.
Any time I see anything about Jon and Kate, I can't help but wonder if they would say that all the money and "celebrity" has been worth what (and who) they've become?
At the end of the day, there are eight little people who didn't ask for any of this, whose family has been ruined because of it, and they'll be able to read and see photos of it online for the rest of their lives. Tragic. I'd like for Jon and Kate to go away, for their kids' sakes.
I'm going to do my part by not clicking on any more links about Jon or Kate. And, frankly, I think that's a win-win for all of us.
-b
Any time I see anything about Jon and Kate, I can't help but wonder if they would say that all the money and "celebrity" has been worth what (and who) they've become?
At the end of the day, there are eight little people who didn't ask for any of this, whose family has been ruined because of it, and they'll be able to read and see photos of it online for the rest of their lives. Tragic. I'd like for Jon and Kate to go away, for their kids' sakes.
I'm going to do my part by not clicking on any more links about Jon or Kate. And, frankly, I think that's a win-win for all of us.
-b
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
World Market
My mom and brother are visiting and so I've been carting them around town all day to see the sights. We've stopped in for just a minute before heading off to a different shopping area, but I did need to say that I've decided to sell my house and all my belongings and physically move into World Market.
I could not love a store more.
-b
I could not love a store more.
-b
and the winner is...
I did it. I've polled you all for nearly a year--blackberry vs. iphone? In the end, the votes came out to be pretty even. I've grilled you about features and services, wants needs, coverage, etc. You iPhone people are a devoted group (Sue, Jason...), but then so are the Blackberry people (Anthony, Rory...).
I present to you my winner:
-b
I present to you my winner:
-b
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