$20

Seems like a small price to pay to get rid of a yucky neighbor, I suppose.

About four weeks ago, Jim and I were working on cutting down some extraneous foilage around the front fence when I heard this voice. "Sir? Sir?" he called from the side of the front yard. "I'm really sorry to bother you."

And the story went. His name is John, he lives behind me, but he had walked around to the side of my front yard to call to us. He works at the garage perpendicular to my street. John weaved an elaborate story about how he was out of gas just down the road and he couldn't get hold of his boss to get any help. He even faked a cell phone call in the middle of the explanation. "See?" he pleaded. Could he just borrow $10 for 20 minutes. "I'll bring it right back."

As a test, Jim brought him a container of gas from the garage.

"Uh, I don't think that's going to do it. It's a really big truck." Okay, big fat liar. Would you like my paycheck, too? Because I'm just here to give away my hard earned money.


Still, I wondered if this might be the ultimate gesture, the be-all end-all opportunity to do a 'right thing.' The gesture which either proved that there is still some good in humanity or the gesture that cemented the word "awkward" between us henceforth. He and I have already had some, er, "quality time" regarding some of his backyard behavior. And, so I handed him $20 in cash. Just gave it to him.

My Dad taught me early to never loan someone money. I either give it to them or I don't, but I never expect it back. I clearly thought this guy was a liar, and so I didn't expect to get the money back.

That was on Sunday. On the following Tuesday I came home to the following note on my front door: I'll be by at 6 P.M to return the money. $20. I'm sorry it has taken a few days longer to get it back to you. Please call me at (insert fake number here.) John

At 5:50 PM on Wednesday, John revved up his truck and pulled out. I haven't seen him since. That was four weeks ago.

My friend Patty says the best way to get rid of somebody is to loan them money. Seems like it is working.

-b