Crazy

I have no problems telling you I'm weird. I would guess my official diagnosis in these particular times would be "anxiety." For a while now, and I'm talking several years, I haven't been able to keep a paper calendar/date book. I love them, though. I would trade all of my technology for the ability to carry around a cool journal-type date book. Every time I go into Borders, I go to the section of the store which houses all of those beautiful books and I pick the one I would like to carry for the rest of the year. Then, I carry it around the store with me while I browse the other offerings until finally, I take the date book back and replace it on the shelf for someone else to buy. Someone who will actually use it.

I had to put the paper date books away around the time the microwave started bothering me. I used to stand in front of the microwave and watch the timer as my gourmet meals were cooking (yes, gourmet--leave me alone) and get depressed as the time disappeared. I would think, "I just wasted 3:30 of my life standing in front of a microwave," and then really regret it. I began to fully internalize the reality that I was literally watching my life tick away while doing nothing. So, like the date book, I had to give up the microwave for being too depressing. ...wait, I didn't actually give it up, I just started leaving the kitchen while it worked. Let's not get too crazy here.

The date book was the same. I would fill up a months worth of activities and plans in the pages and when I looked at the monthly calendar, it made my life feel too small. I'd think, "Well, there it is. All on the page. Turn the page and it's all gone." See? Crazy. ...doesn't "anxiety" sound much nicer?

So, anyway, here we are all this time later and I really hadn't thought about this for a while. I was at dinner on Thursday night with some newer friends and I was telling them about it. I can do nothing if not laugh at myself, gang. Today, I'm thinking I've grown up enough to handle the date book. Maybe I'll grab one while I'm in Borders. Of course, I'm probably going to get a Blackberry Storm or an iPhone very soon to handle all my schedule--I do love me some technology--and the date book won't get used, but I still think maybe I should face the neurosis just to see if it is still there.

I'm not, however, going to start watching the microwave again.

-b